Dear Married Couple,
Let’s talk about something we often whisper about… or worse, stay silent about altogether.
Sex!
Not the fun, flirty kind we dreamt of before marriage. But the real, raw part of marriage that can sometimes become complicated, distant, or even strategic.
I want to talk to the couple who still loves each other, but now counts emotional debts in the bedroom, one after the other.
To the wife who thinks, “He doesn’t deserve me tonight.”
To the husband who thinks, “Maybe if I do enough, she’ll give in.”
To the spouse who feels like sex has become a reward for good behavior or a punishment for falling short of attaining a certain responsibility.
Yes, this one is for you.......
1. Marriage is Not a Marketplace
Love was never meant to be traded like currency.
Affection is not a wage.
Desire should never be negotiated.
Your body is not a bargaining power house.
And yet… in the quiet routines of marriage, we fall into the trap.
-
“If you respected me more, I’d touch you more.”
-
“If you touched me more, I’d respect you more.”
-
“You hurt me… so I’ll make you feel it in silence.”
-
“You haven’t met my needs… so I’ll withhold yours.”
This isn’t punishment—it’s pain. It’s disconnection dressed as dignity.
But it’s also reversible.
Refer to the blog on do me i do you
https://marriagebrook.blogspot.com/2025/07/do-me-i-do-you-death-of-grace-in.html
2. What God Intended Was Much More Beautiful
The Bible says:
“The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.”
— 1 Corinthians 7:3
But this “duty” is not cold or mechanical. It’s mutual care, mutual love, mutual pursuit.
God designed sex to be a gift, not a game. A language of love, not a test of commitment.
In a godly marriage, intimacy flows out of connection, not coercion. It’s not given to manipulate; it’s shared to unify.
But You are saying, What If I’m Hurting?
Let’s be clear: No one should give their body while their heart is bleeding.
If something’s broken between you, don’t pretend with your body what your soul can’t sustain. But don’t go silent either.
The solution is not withholding—it’s talking. Not punishing—it’s healing.
Say what you feel. Say it with truth and tenderness.
Tell your spouse:
“I want to want you… but I need to feel seen.”
“I miss you… but I feel distant.”
Start there. Vulnerability builds bridges. Control builds walls.
The Reset Starts With a Choice
If sex has become currency in your marriage, you’re not alone. But you don’t have to stay there.
Tonight, make a new decision:
-
To give, not trade.
-
To pursue, not punish.
-
To forgive, not manipulate.
-
To reconnect, not control.
Sex is not a trophy for the well-behaved.
It is not a tool for the hurt partner to punish.
It is not a carrot. It is not a stick.
It is a covenant act of grace.
Let’s bring it back to that.
Sincerely
Ken Kambo || Marriage Brook
Comments
Post a Comment